The Infamous

heffalumps.org Personality Test

OK, so you're big and grey with a trunk on the outside, but what are you like on the inside ? The heffalumps.org Personality Test uses the power of the Internet and state of the art software technology to shed no light on that issue whatsoever.

Answer all the questions below. For each question select the answer which is the best reflection of what you're like. Sometimes none of them will be quite right or sometimes you'll want to select more than one - this won't spoil your test results as long as you always pick the best match you can.

You a lying bar-steward ?

Invariably. It's no big deal.
Kinda, but I'd never lie about really important stuff
White lies on rare occasions, maybe.
Hey, I never lie !

Wahey ! It's time to celebrate !

Party ! Tell everyone to pass on the invite to everyone they know !
Cool ! I invite all my friends.
Time to phone round the usual suspects. Close friends only.
Whatever. Don't want people round, I prefer my privacy.

D'you ever tell people about yourself ?

Oh yeah ! 15 minutes of fame isn't enough !
Yep, though a few aspects of my life are secret.
Only to a few friends.
Not really, I'm pretty shy.

About that whole money thing...

Can't get enough of it - I'll do anything for enough money !
More money's always good, but often not worth the trouble, I find.
If you think about it, money's not important really.
Money ? What's the point ?!

What about your personal property ?

Oi ! Get off my things !
I sometimes lend things to people if I'm sure I'll get them back.
Anything I'm not using right now, you can borrow.
Property is theft, man !

How about a hug, then ?

Not keen. Don't like people in my personal space.
I only hug special people.
Hey, the more physical affection the better, as long as it's nothing dodgy.
Cuddles for all and maybe a little misbehaviour on occasion, it's just the way I am !

So - politics and stuff ?

Taxes are a violation of my liberty !
Socialism's a nice daydream, but it's rubbish in practice.
A balance must be drawn between stealing from the rich and neglecting the poor.
From each according to means, to each according to needs !

'Relationships' ?

It sucks if they're still there the next morning.
I generally get bored after a few months.
Long term relationships are good if you can find the right person.
The sole purpose of dating is to find a partner you can stay with forever, y'know ?

How do people see you, then ?

Everybody loves me, I rock !
Most people I get on with, except a few.
Only the few people close to me understand me.
Everybody hates me, I suck !

What's your take on weird sh*t ?

Gods, ghosts, UFOs, magic etc. are all bunk !
There's maybe something more to the world than science, but I don't know what.
I believe in one or more of gods / ghosts / UFOs / magic for definite.
The reductionist scientific view is a bunch of @rse - the world is full of the supernatural if you only open your eyes.

Academic stuff - what's your flavour ?

Pure maths or computation.
Physical sciences or engineering.
Economics, politics or social sciences.
Arts.

Wooo ! Toys !

Sports car.
Games console.
Dressing up box.
Football.

When you really need a holiday:

What, leave the comfort of my own home ?
Extreme sports ! No contest !
Beautiful scenery will do fine.
Anywhere with lots of good food and drink sounds like my thing.

Ultimate food has to be...

Chocolate of course.
Pizza, dude !
A traditional roast dinner with all the extras.
Cordon bleu, s'il vous plait !

What's your poison ?

Beer, natch.
A good wine.
The devil's own spirits or maybe cocktails.
No alcohol, thanks.

Your inner vibe is pretty much -

Bounce, bounce, bounce !
If not for mortality, everything would be good.
Day to day life sucks, but there are things to look forward to.
DOOOOOM !

You up for a contest ?

I take that as a challenge and I never lose !
Yeah, OK, I'll try to beat that.
Maybe later, I'm not really in the mood.
I'll just watch, thanks, not my idea of fun.

Biggest attraction is...

Smart people.
Friendly, caring folks.
A pretty face.
Sexy body ! Yeah !

When's the best time of day for you ?

Very early AM / Sunrise.
Middle of the day.
Evening.
Very late night.

When it's not black, it's:

White, grey and metallics.
Purple, dark red, deep greens and blues.
Bright primaries and/or luminous.
Muted greens, browns, etc.

your answers to get the lowdown on your personality !